No condemnation

The day began fairly typically.

My daughters arguing, which escalated, which ended in me needing to separate them and have a discussion about seeking peace.  We spent a long time at the breakfast table reading through verses pertaining to fighting and about how foolish it was to "seek your own".  Thankfully, their hearts were softened by the Spirit and we finished the conversation with "I'm sorry, will you forgive me?"

The day went on.  I breathed a sigh of relief.

Then came the evening.

I should have known when another childish argument broke out between Ladybug and her friend.  It ended with her screaming at him for throwing sand in her face.

Well, wouldn't you?

But that heart wound from a friend festered until we ended in the bathroom after bathtime literally wrestling on the floor with her wrapped in a towel so she didn't slap me again.

I thought we were past this.

Then began the screaming threats and absolute raging anger.

From my six year old.

This was followed by my stubborn heart putting its foot down.  I.  Will.  Win.

When will I learn?!  I wasn't showing grace, I was showing pride and coldness.  I just wanted to win the battle... but I was losing the war.  Again.

At times, this child is my thorn.  I don´t want her taken from me, I just want her to be reconstructed and softened.  I want her to respect me... to obey because she knows that´s what she should do.  To remember that NO time of throwing a tantrum has EVER ended well for her.

But still... I chose in that moment not to show her the unconditional love and grace that she needed to see.  I chose to give in to the lie that it was more imporant for me to win the battle of the wills.  And I broke her heart again.... along with mine.

Praise be to God, once she and I calmed down, we cried together and cried out to our Father to heal us, to change us, to forgive us.  I told her that no matter WHAT she would always be my precious daughter and I would always love her.  That no matter WHAT she screamed at me, I would still love her and forgive her.

Just like her Father in heaven.

I asked her to forgive me for losing it.  And she did.

Then came these words from her sweet heart, changed by grace, "Mommy, can you ever forgive me?"

Oh, sweet Lord, THANK YOU.  I rejoiced to see the work of the Spirit shaping her to be more like Jesus.

And I hugged her and replied through tears, "Of course I can.  I already had."

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
After such a battle and such strong opposition from our enemy, we are more than conquerors tonight through Him who loved us.  We will lie down and sleep in peace.

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